Woman Ready to Cancel Stepdaughter’s Baby Shower After Discovering Secret Wedding

The OP (a.k.a. “the original poster”) shared her story to Reddit’s infamous AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum, detailing how a last-minute discovery that she and her husband were left out of a major life milestone has her considering canceling this next one.

Read on to find out what happened.

The frustrated mother starts her story by establishing the basic background of the situation — as she’s just learned it. “My stepdaughter, 22 is pregnant with her first baby, a boy. She and her now husband just got married 2 days ago,” she wrote, adding, “This is the issue.”

She went on to explain, “These 2 have been a lot. House hopping, couch surfing and on state aide, mainly because this guy will not get a job beyond gig services (doordash etc). We (her dad and i) have had to give them money and groceries numerous times, up to the point where we eventually had to tell them we can’t support 2 households.”

After sharing how her family has supported her stepdaughter and her boyfriend, she then dropped the bombshell that hit her so hard. “We saw on social media 2 days ago, they got married. Apparently his mom put stuff together. Her dad got no messages, calls or anything. She had no one in her family there. Just his.”

“Now. Here’s where I may be TA,” OP wrote. “It’s been expected that I have a baby shower for her. I had everything planned and purchased. But, I feel like, if even her dad isn’t good enough to even be told his child was getting married, then my money is not good enough for this party.”

She continued that while she has support in this decision, she’s still wavering a bit — thus turning to the internet. “My husband, my family and my mother in law are telling me to just cancel it,” she wrote.

“Reddit….. WIBTA (“Would I Be the A–hole”) if I canceled the shower?” she asked.

As might be expected, Redditors had plenty of questions about this one, with OP more than willing to provide what she knew. After all, she hasn’t pulled the plug on this baby shower just yet — but she’s this close to doing it!

One pointed out how odd it was that the groom’s family not only knew about the wedding, but attended. To this, OP agreed, “It was weird. She swears it was an unplanned spur of the moment thing, but [there] were many, many signs it was planned well in advance. This whole situation is messed up. She said she didn’t even have time to call anyone.”

Another person backed up OP’s instinct with their own personal experience. “I once threw a wedding party together in less than 24hours for a friend. This was before smartphones and texting, EVERYONE was notified and invited to my little apartment for cake and champagne after the court house ceremony,” they wrote. “OP was deliberately excluded.”

Another commenter asked if they confronted the newlyweds about why the bride and her new husband “did something that hurt her father and you so much?”

“We did, but got no response. Just that she doesn’t think its a big deal,” OP replied. “I think to a point that they find it funny. It may be a control issue. For us, if she didn’t want us there, no problem. But her dad shouldn’t have found out on social media. Her entire family was not told. Just his.”

“Finding that out on social media would be an absolute gut punch,” one Redditor agreed, suggesting OP “cancel the baby shower. But tell her very clearly why you are doing it. That despite you guys supporting her and her husband for so long that she feels it was ok to act like you aren’t her family. So why should you keep supporting and doing things for her.”

Supporting the couple was a sticking point for some commenters, who pulled out the mention by OP that she and her husband had recently told her stepdaughter they couldn’t support two households any longer.

“To me it sounds like she was punishing you and her dad for saying you’re not funding them anymore (which is ridiculous because they’re grown ups and need to fund themselves, especially with a baby coming!),” wrote one individual.

“You already told them you can’t support them yet you’re now contributing to a party for them for a baby which, frankly, they cannot support either,” commented another Redditor. “They don’t even have a place to live. If you’re going to contribute finances, do it in a way that gets them on their feet, and if they refuse to do that, don’t play the game anymore. The shower/wedding party isn’t the real issue here. Its a lack of respect and gratitude from the kids you’ve been supporting for however long.”

OP shared how hard the situation is because she and her stepdaughter at least appear to still be close. “There is an open line of communication here,” she wrote. “We are not estranged despite some issues we’ve discussed with her. We talk daily, even with me giving her pregnancy advice. I’d understand if we were estranged from her. But we just aren’t.”

But the very fact that she and the stepdaughter’s own father were left out of the wedding entirely was enough for most commenters to try and explain they’re not close, like OP thinks. “She got married and you found out by SM, you ARE STRANDED, the fact that she lies and gaslights you both regularly is not a relationship,” wrote one. “Time to cut the cord, she has show what the priorities are in her life.”

It wasn’t unanimous, though, with some still siding with OP’s feelings, but recommending she not cancel at such a late date. “I would not recommend doing it,” one wrote. “If it’s planned and invites have gone out, it will just escalate the situation and make you look bad.”

“I would just host the shower as planned, don’t go above and beyond for her. But be a good host to the rest of the family and be the bigger person.” At the same time, they also conceded, “If you do not do that, and decide to cancel, you would not be an AH at all.”

Another suggested it might be “childish” to cancel for not getting invited, speculating that maybe the groom’s mom planned the wedding and it was very rushed “and his mum didn’t bother getting any of your daughter’s sides details to invite. I would hold off on pulling the plug til you spoke to your stepdaughter and found out what happened.”

OP countered this argument pretty well, though. “We did speak and she claims it was rushed and not planned,” she wrote, dropping in another comment that her stepdaughter said they didn’t even have time to call anyone. “But wedding rings, a professional photographer and a tailored wedding dress she says she didn’t have a month ago says differently. Also, his mom had us on social media and has my phone number.”

Still others suggested OP think of it as throwing the shower for the baby, “It sounds like this baby will need all the guidance, stability and support it can get,” wrote one, while another commented, “Take the high road and keep the focus on the baby. You’ll be glad you threw the baby shower … don’t let her actions overshadow the next opportunity for involvement- with the baby.”

There were even a few people expressing concern that the stepdaughter’s husband might somehow be behind this, with one asking pointedly, “Do you think he could be possibly abusive?” To this, OP could only respond, “I’m not sure. There is control here…but idk.”

Perhaps the most common advice, though, was to let the baby shower play out the way this “rushed” wedding apparently did. “If the other side of the family can pull off an ‘unplanned, spur of the moment’ wedding… Pretty sure they can do the same thing for a baby shower,” they suggested. “Wish them well and wash your hands of it.”

One person couldn’t hold back their feelings, going all caps to write, “CANCEL IT! CANCEL IT! HOW THE F–K YOU NOT GOING TO INVITE YOUR OWN PARENTS TO YOUR OWN WEDDING AND THEN EXPECT THEM TO PAY FOR A BABY SHOWER!”

What do you think?