NFL Insider Hints Aaron Rodgers’ Skipped Mandatory Minicamp to Go on Another Ayahuasca Retreat and the Jets Bungled the Whole Situation

Sherlock Holmes once said, “When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” Which is a quote I learned because I’m a big Sir Arthur Conan Doyle reader, but because Mr. Spock once said it. Such is the nature of my cultural literacy. 

And in the mystery surrounding the Jets franchise player making up his own definition of “mandatory,” coming and going as he pleases, and making the whole organization look like a clown show in the process:

… we may have just eliminated all the impossible explanations and gotten to the truth. Though unlike the mysteries fictional Scotland Yard detectives and half-Vulcans were trying to reason out, if this one is correct, it’s the most probable scenario imaginable. In fact, it was pretty much the first guess of virtually everyone who’s been following Aaron Rodger’s career for the last 10 years or so. 

Daily Mail – Aaron Rodgers’ unexcused absence that caused him to miss all of the New York Jets mandatory minicamp this week was because of an ayahuasca retreat, one NFL insider claims. 

Albert Breer gave a lengthy response to Rodgers’ whereabouts, that was not in the New York area instead of being at the Jets’ facility, a decision that will cost him more than $100,000 in fines. 

‘The best I can answer this right now that I feel solid about is that he is somewhere that they could not excuse and maintain credibility with the rest of the locker room, but would be expected, would not be an out-of-left-field thing for him,’ Breer said on ‘The Rich Eisen Show’.

‘So you guys can open your mind, so to speak, as he’s been known to open his mind sometimes, into all the possibilities,’ Breer continued.

First of all, well played by Breer. Saying it without saying it. Maintaining for himself a little bit of wiggle room in case, by some chance, it turns out Rodgers is off visiting Wounded Warriors in a military hospital or digging wells in an impoverished village someplace overseas. Giving himself a little plausible deniability like a “blind item” in a gossip column that avoids lawsuits. That’s a veteran move. 

Here’s the interview, cued up to the 6:45 mark where Eisen drops hints about Rodgers possibly going off “to get his mind right” and how unflattering all this looks from a vantage point outside the Jets’ building. Followed by Breer pointing out that “ayahuasca” is trending for a reason:

So while I appreciate someone in the national football media finally coming out and saying what we all defaulted to as soon as Robert Saleh was forced to give that clumsy, hamfisted press conference where he explained it wasn’t an excused absence but the Jets knew about it in advance and were totally super cool with their QB1 going AWOL:

… these weren’t the hardest dots to connect. Hell, at the time, I flat out wished for it. I wanted more than anything for Rodgers to choose his love for Amazon Rain Forest-based psychotropic drugs over his ethical commitment to the nice employer who’s paying him tens of millions:

As someone who gets almost as much perverse joy out of seeing the Jets fail than my own team succeed (and I’ve had a lot more practice with Jets over the last four years, I can only hope we find out what exactly was a higher priority for Rodgers than minicamp. And that it turns out to be something farking ridiculous. Like, for example, where he was right around this time last year:

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Please, universe. I’m begging you. Let it be this. Let it be Rodgers delivering the keynote address at a convention filled with Ayahuasca Sweat Lodge enthusiasts. And not, say, visiting sick kids at a hospital or attending some solemn family event. And above all else, turn this into something that will drive the Jets and their fans insane as they’re forced to keep talking about it all summer and into (also mandatory) training camp.

Now, possibly …

Giphy Images.

To be clear, I don’t begrudge any adult their preferred substances. I’m no Puritan. I can respect another man’s vices. And if I wasn’t worried about having my brain cracked open wide like a pistachio, I’d try mind altering hallucinogens like this. I’m actually fascinated by the first hand accounts you hear about ayahuasca. This isn’t about lifestyle choices. It’s about your professional obligation to the people you chose to play for and with. I can’t imagine a scenario where I tell Portnoy I haven’t been posting because I’m on a bourbon and DIPA bender, that he’d be OK with that and tell me my mandatory work is actually optional. But that’s why Barstool is Barstool and the Jets are – and always will be – the frigging Jets. The franchise saviors change, but the team remains the same.