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NBA veteran, Notre Dame graduate Pat Connaughton learns about life as first-time father

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NBA veteran, Notre Dame graduate Pat Connaughton learns about life as first-time father

Welcome to the club, Pat Connaughton. 

Many words can describe Connaughton dating back to his days as a Notre Dame men’s basketball standout. Irish team captain (still without peer). Atlantic Coast Conference tournament champion (remember 2015?). All-league guy (third team). Professional baseball player (if only for a brief time). Deceptively athletic (IYKYK), NBA draft pick (from nowhere to somewhere in June 2015). NBA champion (2021). Businessman. Philanthropist. Pro. 

Really, just an all-around good guy. 

In early May, Connaughton added another word — maybe the most important word — to his description index. It’s something that still hasn’t sunk in, something that will make this third Sunday in June more special than it ever has been for the 31-year-old native of Arlington, Massachusetts. 

Father. 

When Connaughton’s fiancée, Ryan Gareis, gave birth to the couple’s first child — son Crew Leo Connaughton — on May 3, his life forever changed. For the better. For the best. In Connaughton’s line of work, the highest of high moments — making a big shot, winning a Finals game — can be fleeting. Here one minute and often gone the next because there’s always another game, another mountain, another goal. Another. 

Even winning the NBA title in 2021 with the Milwaukee Bucks, part of Connaughton was like, OK … now what? 

Fatherhood is the ultimate achievement, something that doesn’t fade the next day or the next day or the next. You think you know love and responsibility and vulnerability, and then you become a father. 

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“You wake up the day after he’s born and he’s still there,” Connaughton said by phone from Milwaukee. “Every single day you start to realize, consciously and subconsciously, like, your son is here. He’s real and you’re responsible for him for the rest of your life.” 

That’s powerful. That’s fatherhood. 

Ask Connaughton, a nine-year NBA veteran, about basketball or business or anything and he has an answer. Often, a quick one. A good one. On how he sees the rest of his basketball career playing out. On whether he wants to give baseball a shot (maybe). On being a role model/voice in the communities of Milwaukee and back home in Arlington. On giving back. 

Connaughton is that rare professional athlete with a plan. Until it comes to celebrating his first Father’s Day. Ask him about that, and there’s a long pause. 

Mother’s Day for Gareis as a first-time mother, for her mother and for his mother, Sue, as first-time grandmothers, was a big day for Connaughton. He made sure to max out the celebration with all of them and their day. Gareis then reminded Connaughton about this weekend. 

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His first Father’s Day. 

More silence. 

“It’s not set in for me yet,” Connaughton said. “I didn’t even think of that. I’m not sure what it’s going to feel like until it’s there.” 

For now, Connaughton knows what fatherhood feels like. It feels right. Like, he was born to do this. All of this. The diaper changes. The middle-of-the-night feedings. The hugs. The holds. The fascination of the first week, the first month, this first year.  

Forever. 

It’s about more than just basketball

For as long as you’ve known Connaughton, known his goals and his hopes and his dreams, you’ve also known this — family is fiercely important to an only child, but someone surrounded by dozens of aunts and uncles and cousins and love. 

How many only children need 500 tickets for their last Notre Dame game at Boston College? That’s true. That’s the Connaughton crew. 

Even at Notre Dame, when X was still Twitter and Connaughton’s name wasn’t a household basketball name, it was about family. When he would post on social media platforms, or sign autographs, he would always include three letters that also hang from a necklace he’s long worn — F.O.E. 

Family Over Everything. 

It was important then. It’s unbelievably important now. 

“It’s always been not just blood relatives but friends and people who I consider family,” said Connaughton, who considers many friends as family. “As a dad, when you learn that your first child was a son and it’s going to be somebody that will be a mind-me running around, that’s such a different moment for you. That’s a pretty cool start.” 

It is the start. Connaughton and Gareis want more kids. Someday. Gareis plans to return to her playing career as a forward with the NWSL’s Houston Dash, maybe sometime this season. A wedding, and more kids, is on hold until life slows down a bit. 

Home games at Fiserv Forum were always a little weird — and in a way, sad — for Connaughton. While teammates like Giannis Antetokounmpo and Damian Lillard and Khris Middleton would shower and dress and do media before heading for the team’s family room to see their, well, families, Connaughton would often walk into a cold Wisconsin winter’s night alone. 

He can’t wait to make the team family room his first post-game stop next season. 

“I wish we were still playing now for that reason,” Connaughton said. “I’ve always wanted our son to see me play a professional sport. To play in front of him next year, as he gets older and can crawl and walk will be awesome.” 

Connaughton has leaned on and learned from his Bucks teammates in preparation for fatherhood. Their talks in the locker room and on the team plane and at the hotels around the country last season centered as much on Dad stuff as they did on defensive stuff. 

“Every single one of them has said, ‘Look, we’ve told you all these things, but it’s going to be totally different when you experience it yourself,’” Connaughton said. “One day, you walk into the hospital and you’re not a father and the next day, you walk out and you’re a father. 

“You’re that forever.” 

Fatherhood has already changed Connaughton. Last week, several members of the Bucks’ organization made their yearly trip to Greece, where Antetokounmpo calls home in the offseason. Connaughton has made the trip, but not this year. Not with Crew in the equation. 

“My son’s not traveling over there yet, and I’m not going anywhere without him,” Connaughton said. “Priorities shift quick.” 

For good reason. The best of reasons. 

Follow South Bend Tribune and NDInsider columnist Tom Noie on Twitter: @tnoieNDI. Contact: (574) 235-6153.

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