Your very Vancouver July horoscopes

Hi, lovelies. It’s officially Cancer/patio season! Take note—Kits pool is like your love life: incessantly draining and impossible to fix. Stay open to new possibilities!

Cancer (June 21 to July 22)
With Uranus governing the moon of celebrations, question all fixed-price group dinners in Yaletown. Your single-origin pour-over may taste like drip to those you love and preach to the most. If it’s your birthday month, consider avoiding cold brew.

Leo (July 23 to August 22)
It’s the summer of Leo! Take extra caution when approaching electric unicycles travelling south on the seawall. Parking apps come with additional challenges—try reinstalling all seven. Though romance is in the air, beware: an attractive barista at free park yoga is not who they seem. Resist the urge to cold plunge.

Virgo (August 23 to September 22)
A trip to an all-you-can pick blueberry farm is shrouded in mystery. Check in with your cooking abilities before signing up for multi-year produce co-op farm shares. Yes, your dog swam with geese at Trout Lake, but does not (yet) have Giardia. Sourdough vendors are coming to prime farmers’ market locations. Stay vigilant.

Libra (September 23 to October 22)
Saturn’s presence creates favourable conditions for picking up new hobbies: rollerblading, VR hockey at Kingsgate Mall, intergenerational disc golf. Craft beer provides less intrinsic comfort than typically expected. When looking for impromptu happy hours, avoid proximity to parklettes. It’s not your fault she disliked your ukulele.

Scorpio (October 23 to November 21)
Fun-loving Scorpio, this is your July! Your instinct to exclude someone from a Kelowna-bound road trip has merit. Connecting to car-share Bluetooth may create unintended consequences and/or rogue playlists. Evos marked with namesake license plates are to be avoided.

Sagittarius (November 22 to December 21)
You’re in a nesting phase, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your aunt’s handmade floral weaving from the Sunshine Coast would really liven up any laneway. Even if you’re ready to explore gardening, it’s too late to plant alliums. Your neighbour’s rhododendron is sending an important message. Listen.

Capricorn (December 22 to January 19)
A speaker-blaring 99 B-Line rider shares a life lesson through verse. No matter how tempting, do not sing along. The sun governing transfers is in your second house: leave extra time if commuting downtown. Avoid onboarding through front doors while Neptune is in play.

Aquarius (January 20 to February 18)
Vegans should exhibit more caution around food trucks. While air signs are naturally drawn to fireworks, the real explosions will be in your heart. Inanimate objects may also attract; avert eye contact with docked yachts and/or cyclones. East Van coyotes often look like wiry dogs. When in doubt, cross the street.

Pisces (February 19 to March 20)
While your energy is on an upswing, all networking events are to be avoided. It may prove fruitful to refuse all drink tickets and give people an alias. If you’re planning a book launch, beware—someone in attendance isn’t actually happy for you. Lay low: resist tagging your writer’s group on Instagram.

Aries (March 21 to April 19)
Steer clear of collectibles: Grizzly gear is mysteriously decreasing in value. The planet of commerce is not aligned with your underlying anxiety; retain a five-kilometre radius when engaging on Facebook Marketplace. Little Free Libraries come with a hidden cost. Remember: giving is receiving.

Taurus (April 20 to May 20)
With your planetary house ruled by Mercury, stay alert for a spicy secret, soon to be revealed at the Marpole ICBC. Your neighbour’s barking dog may be yearning for a raw-food diet. Now is a great time to seek promotion: consider casually E-biking by your manager’s mansion in Shaughnessy.

Gemini (May 21 to June 20)
Like twins, you’re being pulled in two directions. Steer clear of boutique fitness curses; reject the cost-savings benefits of ClassPass. Bike grease is potentially in your future—consider declining invitations for next month’s Diner en Blanc. If you do go, heed Socrates’ words: “Carry your own table.”